New York state of mind

olympus μ2/ kodak gold 100/沙面

many thanks to those who gave me comforts when i was down like hell

this has been a terrible terrible year. it's like the whole city is haunted, and my life is haunted too.many odd things happened and i dont know why

on the bright side, some of them have made me stronger, or at least make me decide to be so. some of them have led me to some truths, reminding me again and again that life is just like that and noone can change that.i am tired of being so cynical like i am dead inside when bad things happened coz i know nobody gives a rat's ass. i just need to be stronger and stronger so that i can still be poised and calm when i face the huge monster that's bugging me.

sometimes i sit in my dorm for a long time and suddenly i realized that my cell hasn't been ringing for long, and that reminds me that i am in such a remote area that it seems no one can keep in touch with me like i am some science guru who is doing botanic research in the deep forest of central Africa for years. that scares me a little, but the thought of calling anyone on my contact list even makes me more uncomfortable. am i having an anti-social, separationalist symptom? well, the truth is i love answering phone calls, i am just not used to dial the numbers myself.when my friends told me that they had called and i didnt see the calling histroy in my cell phone, i am a little terrified. how many phone calls have i missed? am i becoming isolated coz everybody thinks that tehy can't reach me? god, this is a bit annoying...